It was as though someone gave me bad directions – like REALLY bad. There’s no Google maps, no GPS, not even an old fashion Rand McNally map for life or life lessons. It was as though someone said, “Becky, stay on this path. Follow it through the tunnel. Keep going until you see the light.” THAT’S IT?! Those were the basic directions. How long was this dark tunnel? Who would I encounter along the way? Or better yet, WHAT would I encounter along the way? When would I get to the end of the tunnel? Is there really a light at the end?
I haven’t posted for the last few months, because, THANK GOD, I made it to the other side of that dark tunnel. In fact, I am done with any analogy or reference to “tunnels” or “seeing the light”. It’s been a truly wacky, insane, mind-boggling, yet AMAZING year!
Upon going through this wacky, insane, mind-boggling, yet amazing situation, I was given so much advice, read several books & articles, talked to a lot of people, went to counseling, prayed, and had a few intense conversations with myself (no, I’m not losing my mind).
Here are the “words of wisdom” highlights:
- Don’t make any decisions. Make at least one big decision.
- Travel. Go some where. Don’t go any where.
- Relocate. Stay right where you are.
- Get a new job. Stay in your job. Get an additional job. Take a leave of absence. Work more. Work less.
- Rest. Rest more.
- Take care of yourself. Stay strong. Cry.
- Don’t give up. Take on a new hobby.
- Go on dates. Sleep around.
- Stay out of a relationship…for 3 months…5 months…1 year…at least 2 years.
- Get a dog. Get another cat. (yeah, right.)
- Get counseling. Lots of counseling. Get in a support group. Go to church. Talk to a Priest.
- Try yoga. Meditate.
- Drink wine. Eat chocolate. Have a hamburger.
- Watch _____ (movie). Read ______ (books).
- Write a book.
Here’s what I know worked for me.
MOVE! (Yes, I moved – as in packed up and relocated.) By MOVE, I literally mean create movement. MOVE!
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – MOVE! If you physically can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, at least create a MOVEMENT emotionally or spiritually. For instance, there were times I couldn’t leave my house, but I journaled my thoughts and prayed. Other times, I was a marathon sprinter; cleaning, exercising and shopping. Just move. MOVE through it to get to the other side.
It’s unreal what can change in one year, let alone six months. In fact, now I realize the last 9 years of my life, the span of my marriage and time leading to it, is nothing more than an odd “blip” in time. I almost don’t recognize those years or the key players in that story.
Beyond that metaphorical tunnel I always spoke of was a life waiting to be lived, a man ready to be loved wholly, and happiness that runs deeper than I ever imagined. None of this would have been found if I stayed complacent. If I stayed paralyzed by all the “words of wisdom”, I wouldn’t have moved in the direction my soul needed to go. Don’t get me wrong. I had a ton of support and for that I am beyond thankful. But I had to choose my actions for myself.
It’s easy to get stuck. To be afraid. To hide. But isn’t it so much better to begin living the life you were meant to live? There’s still no GPS or step-by-step directions, but that’s also the beauty of it all. You are given something to create, mold, and shape. You choose what it looks like, feels like, how it shines, how it touches others, how it defines YOU!
MOVE towards that beautiful creation. Make it amazing!