In fact, it’s so common that my lawyer nearly yawned when I told my story. I thought I had a knock-down, fool-proof, take-him-to-the-cleaners case. After all, I followed his job from state to state, supported his career, made a mere fraction of what he made, and to top it off HE CHEATED, HE COMMITTED A SIN, HE LIED and had a relationship with ANOTHER women behind my back! (YUCK!) However, Michigan, like many states, is a no-fault state. Judges are so used to presiding over failed marriages due to cheating that it no longer phases them. It’s just THAT disgustingly common. (Yet, it does NOT make it right.) So, I know I’m not the only one because I was herded into a courtroom with other women in my same situation (not that men are exempt from this by any means).
In the beginning I didn’t even know how to wrap my mind around what was happening, let alone tell anyone. Then one day something in me snapped and I decided not to hold it in any longer. I wasn’t the one doing anything wrong. And it was in the moments of opening up to others that I heard so many terrible, but honest, stories of betrayal – all with their unique twist. Upon hearing each story my heart broke again and again but I realized I certainly wasn’t the only one. Let me preface by saying again: this DOES NOT make it ok!
My heart shattered for the woman whose husband was cheating while she was pregnant.
My heart cried for the woman who found her husband in bed with another woman.
My heart is crushed for the man who went away to fight in a war and came home to find his wife had been living with another man.
My heart doesn’t understand the woman whose husband left her in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.
My heart cried for the woman who was also cheated on right under her nose at work, and the female was a good friend of hers.
My heart is devastated for the man that got divorced and then found out about his wife’s infidelity.
Imagine my shock when the woman who purchased my old bedroom furniture hugged me and smiled at her husband standing next to her. Then told me, “You will be ok. He doesn’t deserve you anyway. Believe me, that’s how I found this one (looking back at her husband again).”
My heart ached for the man who found his wife in bed with another man – in his own home!
But my heart smiled when I met the multiple men and women who were betrayed in their first marriage and are now happily remarried. EVERY single one of them said, in their own words, that they were now so much happier than ever. And had it not happened, they wouldn’t have met this amazing person.
And most recently, the woman who sent me a message about she, too, had been in a similar situation and offered prayers and love for me.
What I don’t understand is the type of person that capable of doing such terrible things. What type of person has the desire to lie and cheat to such an extent? Who plans and purposely hurts someone – someone they promised to love and cherish and protect? There is a personality type. I’m still researching it so I’ll save that for next time.
Do you have a story? Maybe you aren’t ready to share it. Maybe it’s still raw and painful. Just remember that you aren’t the only one. That wasn’t comforting to me at first. I actually took offense to someone telling me “I wasn’t the only one” because in my head I was the ONLY one who felt this way and had been treated so badly. Over time I came to realize that we needed to support each other and that was best done by hearing others tell their story. Because we all want to be heard and validated.
If you have a story, I support you. Whether you tell me, or anyone, your story or not, know that there is someone who wants your heart to heal. Your story doesn’t define you. It shapes you. And you can feel happiness again.
Wishing you love and light in your heart,