Upon learning of Dick’s infidelity (and total lack of remorse), I cried almost everyday for 19 days (which requires a lot of extra Botox to battle those wrinkles). For other related reasons, I cried for many days even before that. Every fiber of my being was unraveled and frayed. I didn’t think I had anything left.
The day after finding out I had to begin leading our corporate marketing team and a few members of corporate management through a two – day video shoot of our facility. Even though I wanted desperately to run and hide, I actually had to pull myself out of bed, transform myself into a professional looking and functioning Executive Assistant, and make sure this marketing team got what they needed. By the grace of God, I did it.
The days and weeks following, I would go home and cry on a daily basis. Sometimes so hysterically no one could make sense of what I was saying. Other times I would actually begin to hyperventilate. One night, while on the phone with my mom, between sobs, I told her “I can’t do it. I can’t go on. I don’t know how to go on.” And kept repeating those three sentences. I’m not quite sure how she understood a single word I said, but she listened patiently and then finally cut into my repetitious rambling, saying “Becky, you HAVE to do this. You don’t have a choice. So you will get through this. You will be ok. There will be more rainbows, butterflies, and happiness in your life. You are stronger than you think.” She was right. I had to get through it. The only way was forward. It made sense but it didn’t ease the pain right away or stop the tears.
A few weeks later, while visiting family I started wandering the house, my mind going blank, pain in my chest, only to end up laying on the floor of the living room in a ball, crying so deeply I couldn’t breathe. My stepmom found me and as she rubbed my neck and tried to calm my breathing, she told me that this will be over before I knew it. She reminded me that each day would get easier, and soon this would be in the past. She even suspected I would find happiness rather quickly. She, too, reminded me that I am so much stronger than I realize.
Friends reached out providing love and words of encouragement. Many of them were just as much in shock at his actions as I was but they all were steadfast in believing that I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Not after everything I had done to be such a devoted, caring, selfless wife.
With each passing day and week, I was getting stronger. I was beginning to love myself and honor what I deserve.
On June 19th, I received a phone call that changed everything. It was an old friend who had been betrayed and then divorced. Sadly, my friend was betrayed in a way that makes my story seem like a fairy tale. He told me I can get through it though it might not be easy or even comprehendible at that moment, but I will end up being ok. He gave me some other basic words of wisdom. I know I cried through each word (like I said, I did a lot of crying). Then he so selflessly and adamantly said, “Becky, I won’t let you fall.” And he hasn’t. He made that promise and he has kept it.
Not one single member of my family or circle of friends has left my side. In fact they all rallied to help fortify my soul and therefore, my strength.
I am beyond shocked. I am SO much stronger that I ever gave myself credit for being.
For whatever is going on in your life, decide that YOU deserve THE best. Choose YOU. Don’t give up on yourself. You will have good days and bad days. Give yourself a break when you need it. But always remember that you get to create your life and your happiness. God knows I was ready to give in and give up. But in the end, no one gets to take your power or your strength.
Know in your heart that you are stronger than you think.
*As always, names are changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, too.