It was June 1st, 2015. A Monday that sticks out in my mind very well. Parts of it haunt me at times. That was the day that I found the undeniable “evidence” that led to his admission of infidelity. (That story is for another time.) The very next day, June 2nd, I filed for divorce. I didn’t contemplate. I didn’t ask for a bunch of opinions (which I normally do). I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t think twice. I just drove straight to the lawyers office knowing in my gut (we will talk about gut instincts) that this had to end.
Over the following days and weeks, my decision to file for divorce became known amongst close (and very few) friends and family. Everyone, and I mean E V E R Y O N E was in complete shock and awe of the situation, they just couldn’t believe Dick* was actually capable of such terrible actions. (After all, he was the good guy, uber reliable, the go-to guy, mister fix it, etc.) Yet I was still given words of caution: Are you over-reacting? Are you sure this is what you want? What about counseling? Becky, take some time to think about this. Don’t you think you can work it out?
But I knew it had to be done — and here’s why.
After presenting the “evidence” to Dick* and his admission, I ran up to “our” master bedroom in a fog. Sinking amongst the many pillows on the bed and staring at myself in the dresser mirror in front of me, my whole life, my marriage, and my future was swirling around in my head. HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPENING? NO, THIS ISN’T REALLY HAPPENING. IS IT? I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t blink. I could barely breathe. I felt oddly paralyzed by the fury of emotions raging through my body.
A few minutes passed and then Dick casually entered the room – very casually, almost as though this was no big deal. He positioned himself against the dresser in front of me. My shocked, paralyzed face was no longer visible in the mirror. All I saw was HIM. Legs crossed, hands in his pockets. I stared deep into his eyes, but he wasn’t there. I shook my head with disgust.
He shrugged his shoulders and with a slight smirk, said “There are things I get from her (Cru*) that I don’t get from you, and things that I get from you that I don’t get from her. So by having both of you, I have the best of both worlds.”
EXCUSE ME? Is that English? Did I just hear that correctly? The words echoed in my head “best of both worlds”. I (the devoted, loving, loyal wife) just heard the phrase “best of both worlds” as an excuse (and this is just one of the many excuses) for having a wife AND a mistress. My mind went blank – partially with anger, partially from disbelief, but mostly because I wanted to reach into his chest to see if his heart still pumped blood or if it was just acid and bile. (And then I wanted to vomit.)
My vows were intended for one world, one person, one man and I was to be his ONE and ONLY as well. As long as he could say those words – so cold and heartless, the exact opposite of the vows he committed to on September 20, 2008 – then that was my cue to exit, and exit quickly. And I did just that. On August 13, 2015, we were officially divorced. No longer man and wife. No longer someone’s “other” world. I was free. (But it was a loooong 2 1/2 months of craziness!)
I know everyone’s situation is different. And I am not placing judgment on anyone who makes a decision that differs from my own. For some there are children involved, for others there is honest remorse and the desire to work through the infidelity. Some may feel “forced” to stick it out. Others resolve that divorce is not an option. In fact 50-60% of couples who experience infidelity actually stay together (magazine.foxnews.com).
No matter what: Please stop and think about how you DESERVE to be treated. Your partner should never disrespect the goodness in you or mindlessly flip your world upside down. And no one deserves to be on the receiving end of lies, deception, cheating, manipulation, abuse, addiction, and purpose-driven carelessness. You are valuable. You are gorgeous. You are loved. You are strong. You are worthy. You were put on this Earth – THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD – for a very specific reason. Trust that.
Wishing happiness and light in your heart –
*All the names are changed to protect the innocent and, unfortunately, the guilty. Except mine 😉
**Please note that I am not a therapist or trying to be; I am just a regular woman writing from her heart about her own experience.
***Quote from Ink361.com. Check out his page for other amazing quotes and artwork.